KINDNESS DOES NOT ALWAYS FEEL NICE “Dr. Dixie, I heard you talking about the difference between being “nice” and being “kind”. Those two words seem alike to me. What’s the difference?”
Almost everyone who grew up in a church atmosphere has heard or memorized Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another…”. When we combine that verse with the many times we heard parents say, “Now be nice…”, the two words merge and we incorrectly interchange them. I make a distinction because I often hear from people who are determined to “be nice” in circumstances that are not just difficult, but Biblically wrong. They believe if they’re nice, they can keep peace or make others happy. So they refrain from being firm and truthful in an attempt to avoid upsetting someone or being accused of unkindness.
Romans 2:4 (The Message Bible) “…did you think that because He’s such a nice God, He’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through…God is kind, but He’s not soft. In kindness He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.”
Any time there is a need for radical change in thought patterns, relationships or any area of life experience, it doesn’t feel nice when someone in kindness insists on change and launches a crisis that forces us out of our comfort zone. It is God’s perfect kindness that lets us experience the painful consequences of disobedience— either ours or someone else’s—so that we desire change more than being comfortable. God loves us too much to merely try to make us happy, but His lovingkindness doesn’t always feel “nice”.
“Nice” means to be pleasant or agreeable; to be adequately polite. Genuine kindness does not choose to be agreeable simply because it’s easier or will keep things peaceful on the surface. Genuine kindness is considerate, compassionate, unselfish—and, when needed, very firm.
2 Peter 1:5-9 describes the character traits that lead to genuine kindness: “…add your diligence to the divine promises…exercise your faith to develop excellence… develop your intelligence…develop self-control…develop patience and endurance…develop godliness. In exercising godliness, develop brotherly kindness…from brotherly kindness develop Christian love…as these qualities are increasingly yours, they will keep you from idleness or unfruitfulness in the personal knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ; whoever lacks these qualities is blind and spiritually shortsighted…” “Nice” keeps peace by trying to maintain a comfort zone. “Kindness” makes peace by firmly creating an atmosphere in which beneficial change is most likely to happen. For example, when someone is thoughtless, even harsh, in the way they speak to others, it may feel normal to them if that’s what they grew up hearing. But when someone calls attention to the need for change in the way they talk, they are likely to be offended and defensive. They measure “kindness” by how they feel emotionally about any criticism, no matter how carefully and gently it is offered, and since their sensitivity meter is constantly set at 12 on a scale of 1 to 10, no correction will ever be accepted, from people or from God.
Solomon said, “Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.” Proverbs_ “A man of great wrath shall suffer the penalty (of his anger); for if you deliver him [from the consequences], he will feel free to cause you to do it again. Hear counsel, receive instruction, and accept correction, that you may be wise in the time to come.”
Call Infinite Grace Ministries, 580-774-2884, to learn how living in the perfect, unchangeable Love of God makes it possible to receive instruction and become willing to change destructive habits.
